well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
