Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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