i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
