so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
