I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
love makes seman taste better
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
