So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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