My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
