meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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