Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize