Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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