I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
