he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
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You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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