And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
