hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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