every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
