I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
