Screwed.edu
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
