he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She has the best kind of daddy issues
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
