I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
