as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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