I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
