I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The adults are the big ones right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
