i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I want a musical about memes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
