I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
