i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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