question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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