Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
