i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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