Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
