i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
