i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize