Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
