Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Houston, we have a squirter
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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