I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
