i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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