Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
