First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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