I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
