Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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