I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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