your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
