Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
