Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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