Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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