even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
