there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
