And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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