i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
