So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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