True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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