Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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