i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
worst night to have a conscience
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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