Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
