Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
