tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
