I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
