1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
